I have been humbled by the response to my last post. You, my readers, are far too kind. I feel I owe it to you to you to let you know a bit more.
I have always been a pragmatist. I like to deal with things that really matter. The past–all of the crap at Singing Hills–matters only as much as it impacts today and tomorrow. It cannot change the future simply by being, but it does so by its shaping of me.
So I am here now. I can lament where I have been and what was, but it doesn’t really help where we are. I am still in the midst of those nasty stages of grief of all I have lost, and occasionally something reminds me of where I have been and it plucks a sad note on my soul. But most of the time, I am well into Acceptance.
What was is past.
What is matters. I am working at a knife shop doing something I love. I am working with great people, interacting with people and generally being a good member of society. Secretly I work to be salt and light to the people around me. Salt to Ben who runs the bike shop. Light to the nice lady who runs the book store. Salt to the customers who come in and share their lives. Light to my kids who come to work.
What is is a ministry of being the person God called me to be and laboring at the task at hand. I can do that. I enjoy doing that.
What will be is unknown to me. I can’t worry too much about it. I trust God will have a place for me to serve–in a knife store, in a pulpit, in a distant land–on a boat, with a goat, with green eggs and ham. Whatever He has for me, I trust is good.
I will wait for what will be to unfold out of what is. I will give my heart to today.
It is good.
I think what you said is true for all of us all of the time. The difference is that some jolts hit harder, some changes come much more harshly and unexpectedly than others. But no matter where I am or what I am doing, regardless of how closely I am following my calling, my goals and my dreams, I am where I am and in that place I can minister to the people I encounter. In that place I MUST minister – must be salt and light – if I am a disciple of Jesus.
The ability to say “I will give my heart to today. It is good.” is real trust.
Every stage is a lesson learned. There are good in with the bad in all stages. Betrayal hurts, as Jesus knows. You are loved, by God, and me, and many others.
Please call us at 503-359-9656 – we want to invite you and Wendy for dinner and don’t have a number for you.
My cell is 918-440-1311 and Wendy’s is 971-998-4924. 🙂