Surely all but one knew they were not the betrayer? Right?
You know that dream you have where you go into work and you realize you are completely naked and no one can stop looking at you? (I have never had that dream, but “a friend” told me he has.)
The disciples were sitting at a Passover meal completely naked and Jesus was looking at them. They knew they had, within them, what it took to betray. Something told them they might just be the one. It terrified them.
I was visiting with some church leaders about forgiveness. How do we instill grace in the people we lead? How do we stop people from wagging their fingers at those who are struggling to forgive. We dispense such sage advice as, “We need to forgive, because Jesus forgave.” and “We have to forgive, we don’t have a choice.” It all sounds good and it is all true. And as long as we are on the dispensing side, it is pretty tame stuff.
But what about when we are at the table? When Jesus talks about forgiveness, I drop my eyes because I am certain everyone is looking at me. Sometimes I might even pound the table and tell people to stop looking at me. Sometimes I might point at them and say, “You need to have more grace.”
The truth is, I do that because I am naked.
I point my finger and pound the table because I know I have deep places where the light of forgiveness has never dared show its face. I hear Jesus say, “One of you will betray me,” and something deep inside me wonders if it will be me.